I am a climber. Let me be specific now, because many people conjure up all sorts of strange images. I am a sport rock climber. That means I want to drive the car up to the rock on a hot sunny day, pop the hatch, smather on the suntan lotion, pull out the gear, walk a few feet (a 1/2 hour max), and then setup and climb. No sleeping on any of those strange contraptions on the side of a cliff. No lugging massive tons of gear for hours or days or weeks to get to the top of some impressive peak. No ice screws, ice picks, and all that other strange gear required to do ice. Nothing over 9,000 feet (I get sick as a dog about this level).... just pure simple sport climbing. Some with gear, with "camming and jamming" devices, but much of it with nice clean shiny bolts all ready to be clipped ......

My ideal is a nice rock, about the size of a couple story building, with hand holds all the way up. Maybe some strange laybacks were I have to pull and push my body up and over a ledge. Maybe some "chimneys" and some "cracks" and some "friction" all tossed in. Just nice. Beautiful day; beautiful scenery. Go up, get lowered down. Simple, easy fun....

But living in Paris, gives me a new perspective. The French, they love climbing. All of it. And they climb anything.....

When we first moved to Paris, we went to the premier climbing spot in the area, Fountainebleau. Top sport climbers from around the world come to this area .... and when we first got there I couldn't figure out why. The rocks almost look like a mutated strand of wild mushrooms that cropped up in this sandy forest. Most rocks take 3 moves to make it to the top ... then you have to either LEAP to the next rock, following small red and orange dots as your route, or jump back down to the sandy ground.

You don't carry gear (GREAT), you don't climb with ropes (not so GREAT) but nobody seems to get hurt. The rock is smooth, very worn, and the locals climb even in the rain. The rain, I couldn't imagine... hanging on to smooth, slick rock. But when you pop off you just jump down, hopefully graceful like a cat, then you wipe your feet with the little piece of carpet that you carry, and then move to your next little problem to tackle. I call this "Hop on Pop" climbing after the Dr. Seuss books. I feel like I am about 3 years old when I think of the whole concept .. but it's really a wonderful workout and loads of good fun. I thought that was real strange ... until today...

We head out to some small town not so far out of Paris, close to Orly airport. We park next to a France Telecom building and wander through a trail that looks like we are maybe going to the next town over. We walk along a real nice road for awhile, through a tunnel, and then out to a bridge. Just an old bridge that doesn't go anywhere, doesn't go over anything but a really small trickle of a river, and sort of seems to be abandoned. The bridge is "quilted" limestone rock with impressive tall columns that support the main structure.

One of the guys on the trip pulls out the guide book which lists all the routes. I think he's really lost it; we are going to climb this bridge?? Then I begin to notice that this whole place is just perfectly set up for climbing .... nice shiny bolts and perfect drilled out holds all the way up, ending with nice big shiny anchors at the top. The book lists 70 routes and looking around it's really easy to believe. What more could a sport jock like me want?

The weather is really dicey; it's sunny and then it's rainy, but it's just darn cold. I climb but I can't feel my fingers. I try to climb with gloves, but I just slide off the rock. So up and down and up and down I go... enough times to think that climbing a bridge isn't weird any more and enough times to where I am just frozen. My teeth chatter, my fingers just sting which really doesn't help my climbing. When my legs shake I can't decide if my fear of heights has hit me or I have gone into complete convulsions.

Eventually we all get our fill ... or I guess eventually I whine enough about the cold that the guys decide it's ok to go back. (They don't look much warmer.) We go back through the tunnel ... which I now notice has nice shiny bolts up the sides of the tunnel with anchors at the top. Now THAT I think is really strange.... but we stand in the tunnel and there's no wind and no rain and it's really not too bad. I decide tunnel climbing isn't that strange.... my mind wanders...

I picture the Arc de Triumph and I wonder if it's scaleable. Maybe a good top rope problem, the texture of the rock so perfect. Those statues would be nice for good handholds.

Ahhhhh, I guess I have begun to think like the French ...anything is climbable.

-- Linda English, Mountain Zone Pubster