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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

How to do a photo shoot with a big belly

First you need a green screen.

That's the big blank background they use in Hollywood to produce the bad sci-fi flicks. They resort to this when there’s no other option. When they know they’re going to need a lot of post-op reconstruction. When there’s nothing in this natural world that can suffice.

Then you need a bike stand or a best boy to hold you up. You could do an extended track stand, but you’d have to be an expert trials rider to last for the duration of the shoot. The photographers always claim it will “only take about an hour”. That really means it will be all day. With no bathroom breaks.

marla streb
Marla's photo shoot.

Now you have your distended belly to deal with. You find the most slimming black wrap available, and you squeeze into last year’s team jersey custom-designed for the team mascott. Last year our mascott was a hippo.

Not really. We’ve never had a team mascott but we should. I should write a blog about team mascots. Maybe next week.

And finally you need to balance on the bike and make the face that you make when you’re riding. You must constantly bug the photographer to dim the lighting, and shoot from the front. Or from the ceiling. Those profile shots are inoperable, you remind him. No version of Photoshop can delete that middle half.

This advice really only applies to either pregnant people or big time pro roadies right after they retire.

Of course, next year those pro roadies will still be retired, but I won’t be pregnant.


Glibbidy said...

That must have been very challenging!

4:34 PM  
Dirty Bert said...

congrats on the baby!

10:56 PM  
Squirrel said...

Marla I'm cornfused...... I didn't know the Spanuards made a downhill bike:) At least I can't find it in our catalog. ORBEA...oh so hot:)


7:45 AM  
Dicky said...

Thanks for the chuckle. I was wondering how you were coming along.
"All the really pretty girls get pregnant."
Mark Hoppus

8:34 AM  
sheila m said...

I am 37 this year and racing DH. I am having conflicting feelings about the "baby thing"...
I think I want one, but am not sure if I'm in the right situation yet. You are very lucky to have a guy that supports you in everything you do. I am thinking about just finding some good sperm.
What da ya think????

2:10 PM  
Mathijs said...

Very interesting and cool blog! Congrats on the baby too!

I was wondering if I could get in touch with you for a web interview for my blog

Hope to hear from you,


7:16 PM  

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